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How they found Osama

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Thousands of people monitoring millions of phone conversations and chat logs trying to find any lead to Osama bin Laden, recently awarded the Guiness record for being the longest hide and seek champion. So how was he found? Apparently top US intelligence officials managed to sneak bin Laden an iPhone equipped with Facebook Places that updates his location to his Facebook page and our sources at Al-Qaeda (who cannot be named for security purpose) has informed us that Osama has liked the iPhone so much that he instructed all suicide bombings to never be carried out in the vicinity of any Apple stores.

Approximately at 1504 GMT on 2nd of May, bin Laden was trying out the Terrorist-Maniac Facebook application developed by the Al-Qaeda on his Android based phone not realizing that his location has been published on his Facebook page.

osama_facebook_places

Within 25 minutes, the Pentagon operation center scrambled up a S&D (Search and Destroy) operation to bring Osama back dead or alive. Realizing that he will not go down without a fight, the CTU team led by Jack Bauer assembled a tactical team which included Bob Lee Swagger who ultimately fired the fatal shot from a distance of 2000 metres and ended the longest search for the world most wanted fugitive. The operation was classified top secret and was codenamed Geronimo. Shortly after Bob fired from his sniper, Bauer inspected the body and radioed back to Pentagon uttering "Geronimo EKIA", short for Geronimo Killed in Action signalling the end of one war but could perhaps be the beginning of a new war as the Al-Qaeda number 2, Al-Zawahri is set to helm the leadership of Al-Qaeda. The team later claimed the body and fiew it back to the United States for DNA identification purpose.

osama_facebook

Attempt to search for the mentioned Facebook page that has contributed to bin Laden's death has been futile and we have been presented with the error message shown above.

bauer

Bauer (shown on the left) later announced to the Press that while the search for Obama has ended, the CTU is still monitoring the situation for fears of backlash. "Despite our victory today, we must remain resillient as our enemies will seek revenge when we left our guards down", he said.


President Obama who spoke later during the day declared that justice has been served and reminded the world that this is a war against terrorism and not against Islam.

President Obama also took the opportunity to thank Bob Lee Swagger and promised to step up effort to combat terrorism. shooter027Shown on the right, our correspondent at Pakistan managed to capture a photo of Bob Lee Swagger leaving the scene shortly after the killing of 'Geronimo'

Source

 

Logical Scientist

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Logical scientist


Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living.
"I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second.

They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.

"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
"A what?" asked the builder.

"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."
"Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"
"A pond" the builder replied.
"Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."
"I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.
"Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..."
The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."
"Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."
"Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.
The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often."
"Never!" the builder exclaimed.
"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"

The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"

"Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist."
"A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.

"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
"No" replied his mate.

"Well, you're a wanker then!"

Goldfish-Teetering

 

Emotions - guys don't need it

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Guys - they don't need emotions

emotions

 

Dear Miriam

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Imagine sending in letter to Miriam (something like Dear Thelma in The Star every weekend) describing your relationship problems and instead of getting the reply you wanted, you ended up with some solutions to motorcar related problems.

advise

 

Ultimate upskirt guide

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The Japanese have performed various calculations, perhaps aided by supercomputers to determine the angles and distance to achieve a perfect upskirt.

up_skirt

Follow the guide at your own risk, don't point the finger at me if you get caught Tongue out

 
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